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[01 Jul 2004|10:02am] |
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mood |
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standing still- jewel |
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wow i haven't updated this in...forever. this is something i had to write for english towards the end of the year, it was a practice college entrance essay.
Waves
The early morning fog is still thick and tangible in the air as I zip up my wetsuit and walk slowly down the sand, balancing the vanilla board on the top of my head. Crunch, crunch, crunch, my toes dig into the sand as I quicken my pace to a run and hit the water. A quiet splash, the beach is still and empty and the sound of silence fills my ears. The first signs of lights are beginning to show as my hands cut through the placid waters and I make my way towards the breaking waves. My arms are strong and muscled from many mornings just like these, when the world is still sleeping and I can lose myself in the tranquility of the ocean. A set comes up, but I’m not in position. I try to paddle harder, but instead I find myself pounded downward and tumbling in the darkness. Water fills my nose and my mouth and my head breaks the surface with a gasp for fresh air. This is a battle I am used to fighting, one I know I can win. Undaunted, I retrieve my board and this time push its resin nose under the rolling crest. I surface unharmed on the other side, beaten and short of breath, but determined and not lacking the drive to press on.
As I wait for a set to come, my mind drifts to everyday things. This morning I’m preoccupied with the end of my junior year and the beginning of the end of high school looming in my near future. I know the decisions I make in the next twelve months will change my life and that alone is terrifying. How can I ever hope to live up to the standards that my parents have set for me? I’m constantly in comparison to my mother, the valedictorian, editor in chief of the school newspaper, after school job, and she still had time to volunteer at church. I can only be me, just a girl trying to stay afloat and not drown in the meantime.
Finally a good set is coming up. I turn myself around and begin to paddle towards shore. As the wave picks my board up, I paddle harder and harder until it’s like I’ve left the earth for some altogether better universe. Push up, stand, feet spread, don’t nose up, careful careful, and then I’m flying out of control through the pipe. My fingers trail the wave beside me as I weave up and down gaining speed before it closes out. The spray burns sweetly in my eyes and it’s like in those few seconds, I’m right where I fit in. The wave closes suddenly and throws me off my board headfirst into the churning water. My leash tangles around my legs and I kick violently to reach the surface. The waves are pounding above me; I feel the water roaring around my ears, heedless to my struggle. Finally I reach the top. My hair is stuck haphazardly across my face, my lungs burn from a lack of oxygen, and my legs ache with every movement. Dejectedly, with my leash dragging my board along behind me, I start swimming towards the shore. The sun has already begun to top over the rise of the south bay, shooting rays of light in every direction. I pause and stop to marvel at the slow transition to daytime. Slowly but surely, the sun always rises, no matter what the world is doing. I smile slightly and turn around. I head back into the water with the comforting knowledge that I can always beat the waves.
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| 1 Corinthians |
[22 Dec 2003|12:15pm] |
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
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[21 Dec 2003|11:14pm] |
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